Creative Discoveries

Handshakes, Voices and Hugs

2009-10-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

As I typed the title of this essay, I simultaneously contemplated the return emails of those unsubscribing from my list! Fret not loyal ones, I’m moving forward with my thoughts…but I’m also bracing for some opposition. :-)

See, I need more handshakes and I need to hear more voices and, yes, I need more hugs. And I need these things from YOU! Now I have plenty of love and human, physical contact in my personal life. I am quite blessed, I must say, in this arena. I was raised in a home where hugs, kisses and pats on the back were commonplace. And I am doing the same with my family today. It’s just the way we do it. Not right, not wrong, just our way.

But I’m worried. I’m worried that my son might “text” his way to the prom, in spite of my wife and my best intentions to criminalize Wii and DS in our home. I’m concerned that Face Book and Twitter will corner the market on the human art of following. I’m equally worried that our society is heading down a road where people live part of their lives in the snippets, clichés and anecdotal information they share on the fly between the real stuff of home, work and community.

We’re already here: online interviewing, cyber dating, the narcissism of Face Book (and yes, I subscribe); the nuttiness of telling all of your “friends” what you’re thinking, doing and feeling via your cell phone; and the threat of our libraries going paperless…yes, it’s already here! My blogs are being “published” on the internet for gosh sakes (maybe not this one :-)) But I did not hire an editor. I did not seek out a publisher with the intent to put my thoughts on paper, between two flaps and sell it at Borders for $14.95. That would be too much work. I can call myself a published author simply by blogging my carefully or poorly constructed thoughts…and so can you.

I have written approximately 17 essays over the last 4 months and have distributed them to all of you via my internet marketing service and my blog. I am a customer and creature of this very thing I am weary of – yep, it’s hypocritical. And over these last four months, I have conversed with many of you about these ideas and issues of which I write and I am always happy for the correspondence that occurs between us.

But I want to tell you a quick story: I play basketball with a group of guys at a local church most Sunday nights. I’ve been doing this for over 12 years now. A few will even get this article…most will not. But we are friends. We know each other’s kids. We know where to give each other the ball on the court for our best shots. We talk all 90 minutes that we’re playing. We tease each other, listen to each other and sometimes we even get into arguments with each other – mostly about who fouled who and how hard, but we work it out. There have even been a handful of physical confrontations over the years, but we work it out. We shake hands, we hear each other’s voices and we even hug – ya’ know the “off to the side, faces far apart, shoulder to shoulder man hug?” And we’re not talking about empathy in the workplace, or fears or Servant Leadership during this time. We’re simply occupying and sharing physical space, all at the same time on a basketball court.

There are close to 1,000 of you who receive my writings. It would, of course, be impossible for all of us to become acquainted in the aforementioned manner of which I share; basketball games or otherwise. But I cannot help but sense that for some of the benefits there are to communicating through mediums (other than shared oxygen) of which I discuss, we are losing something in the process. There is little to no emotion when we tweet, unless we’re truly gifted writers and then it’s still compromised. We cannot see the wrinkles in each other’s eyes when we type “LOL.” And my website, voicemail message and Face Book bio are simply the cheaper versions of me.

It appears to be here to stay, this social media paradigm of which we’re entrenched. It’s where Gen Y lives. So if you’re selling anything that they are interested in and the main thrust of your work is to make a profit, you’d better be hanging out on Face Book and its counterparts.

Just remember though that tears, side-splitting humor, eye contact, in person “I’m sorry-s” and a good firm handshake are the stuff of true friendships. And you don’t need a password to access it.

Hope to SEE you soon.

Jerry Nehr
www.creativediscoveries.net

Choosing Our Moods

2009-08-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

First question: What kind of mood are you in as you read today's essay? Relaxed? Bored? Grateful? Frustrated? Rushed? Sad? Hopeful? Something else?

Second question: Did you choose your current mood, or did it just come upon you?

If we believe that our mood is "just the mood" that we're in at the moment, then our mood is in charge of many things, yes? How we see others; how we treat others; how we respond to situations; the words we choose; the decisions we make throughout the day and what we believe about ourselves.

Isn't it great when we're in a good mood? Everybody's nicer. We're nicer. We're happier (and healthier, and funnier and more attractive and...). The sun is brighter and the tailgater on the freeway is "probably just in a rush and let's hope for her safety." :-)

But when we're in a bad mood, oh boy! The world is not a place of peace. We look for everything and anything to solidify our notion that "things are pretty screwed up." The job is going nowhere. The economy will never come back. My kids are constantly asking for more, more, more. And what an idiot that guy is, driving so close behind me...I can't wait 'til this day's over.

Just my words and examples, but hopefully you get the spirit of my assertion that we, sometimes, are in receivership of our moods.

But what if we changed the picture. What if we made the decision to choose the mood we wished to be in? That, in fact, our moods were the outcomes of our conscious choices. That, in my mind, would be true personal mastery.

Making the conscious choice to change the mood we're in is a form of self-efficacy (the belief that we can accomplish something). In so doing, we empower ourselves to feel the way we wish to feel. Now feelings of hurt, anger, sorrow and disappointment are natural consequences of life. I, in no way, suggest that these things be repressed, cast aside or expedited before running their due course. What I am suggesting is that our ability as human beings to cultivate a feeling we so desire is not only within our emotional, psychological and spiritual DNA, but also our responsibility to ourselves in relief of the negativity that can permeate our days.

When we CHOOSE...

gratitude over unhappiness,
calmness over stress,
acceptance over victim-hood,
forgiveness over anger,
abundance over scarcity,
being kind over being right,
lover over fear,
and patience over control

we are in control of our lives and our moods. Instead of our lives and our moods being determined by the careless driver, the demanding boss, the economy or the car not starting. We always have a choice to decide how we will feel. Feelings follow thoughts - "as we think, so shall we be." It's our corner of freedom.

So try this: Pay attention to your mood for the rest of today. And ask yourself: Is this the mood I wish to be in? And (whether it's a good mood or not) "am I responsible for it?" If you find yourself blaming others for your mood, or wondering how in the heck you got into a particular mood, immediately move your thinking to personal mastery of your thoughts. In other words, what imagery, memories, future plans, or present-moment circumstance can you think of that will take you to a place of goodness?

FYI: I began today's essay in somewhat of a sour mood, so I thought I'd walk my own talk.

Happy mood-ing :-)

Jerry Nehr

Who's to Blame?

2009-08-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

The last article I sent out was on forgiveness. In summary, I discussed how forgiving another person frees us from our anger, resentment, pain, etc. towards that person which, subsequently, makes us healthier people. Some of you agreed with me on this assertion, while others of you shared different views of it and, in turn, broadened my own context of the subject.

But as promised, this next topic is about blame. I tie blame in with forgiveness, because in order to forgive, we must have, at some point, blamed. Blame can be a powerful tool to use against others. Blame makes us right and others wrong; a very comfortable place for some of us. Admittedly, it has felt good - for me - to blame others for my predicament, problems and feelings at certain times in my life. It has allowed me the luxury of ignorance, un-examination and self-centeredness. For all I need to do is be external in my thinking: keep looking outward; continue to look for the mistakes, character flaws and poor behavior in other people; assign their transgressions upon me as intentional, malicious and outside my control and I get the free pass. No introspection required.

I don't know about you, but for me, this is no way to live life. When we blame, we are not in control of our thoughts and feelings (I maintain). "If only my wife would not do this" we might say, "then things would be better." Or, "When my boss starts noticing my contributions a little more, than I'll show more initiative." And, "I only yelled back because you were yelling at me." All of these put the power in the hands of others. Every time we blame someone, anyone, for how we are and why we did something, we give away our ability to make choices that are in our best interest. We keep the power in their hands. And guess what? They ain't changing, at least not how and when we want. I've heard it said, "Never underestimate your power to change YOURSELF, but never overestimate your power to change OTHERS."

Whether it's in the workplace, the schoolyard, the home, the neighborhood or the privacy of our own minds, the blame we exert unto others keeps us anchored as victims. Now we all fall victim to others at some point in our lives, whether they be criminals, angry people, intolerant spouses, abusive parents, hostile coworkers, reckless drivers or bullies. These things occur and, much of the time, there's not a whole heck of a lot we can do about it. But our ability to choose how we react to those people is our corner of freedom.

(Read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" for one of the most compelling reads ever on personal responsibility, accountability and choosing life in the face of pain, hopelessness and despair.)

As we find ourselves needing to forgive, we can also ask ourselves, "at what point did I blame this person, people or circumstance and why?"

So here are a few tips on reducing blame in your life:

Look at the person or circumstance that is causing you pain or discomfort as teachers who are here to provide you with the lessons you need to grow.
Ask yourself, "what have I done, or what was I doing that invited in this person or situation to cause this anger, frustration, etc.?"
Ask yourself this question: "How do I teach others to treat me?"
Ask yourself what you get out of blaming others for your problems, irritations, etc. If it's to NOT address our own issues, which it just might be, then your willingness to blame only delays your personal growth and happiness.
Get in the habit of not taking things personally. If someone calls you a jerk, and you respond in a jerk-life manner, who's got the problem? :-)

Once we blame, the next step is forgiveness - if we desire a mentally and emotionally healthy life. Our own list of forgive-ees is indicative of the blame we've exerted upon the world. We can shorten the list by actually forgiving them and then being ever-so careful on who, when and why we blame.

And in the process, we engage and re-engage in our ability to choose, act and live without others knowing exactly where and how to push our self-placed buttons.

If you disagree or don't like this article, don't blame me. Email me your own thoughts. :-)

Jerry Nehr

Forgiveness...

2009-08-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

It is not only a word used these days from the throes of the church pulpit or the marriage counseling office. The Amish community exemplified it a couple years back as they asked us all to forgive the man who murdered their young girls in a schoolroom in their community; even attempting to comfort the family of the murderer in the days that followed the massacre. Physicians are slower these days to dispel the physical, mental and emotional healing power of forgiveness on both the forgiver and the forgiven. Some political figures even promote this idea of forgiveness in their platform of ideologies and promises, as it's a sure attractor of folks from all walks of life. Suffice it to say "forgiveness" enjoys broad appeal in its capability to enhance human relationships and individual growth.

But how can we use it as a viable and effective workplace leadership tool? After all, isn't it quite easy (or at least habitual) to hold on to grudges and resentments? Cannot this holding on even move us, temporarily (and perhaps longer), to a level that reminds those that have wronged us that, well, they wronged us! Does not the act of forgiveness "reinstate" the relationship and potentially send the message to the wrong-doer that they are "off the hook" for their transgressions? Yah, forgiveness can do all of those things too I suppose.

But many of us have been holding on to pain and hurt for so long that it seems quite natural to NOT forgive and to just move on with our daily tasks. Forgiveness can be hard. Forgiveness requires letting go. Forgiveness reminds the ego that it is not in charge. Forgiveness, however, does not nullify past events. It simply changes the way in which we think about the person(s) who harmed us. Indeed, forgiveness frees us from the anger, resentment and hurt that we harbor against others. Finally, forgiveness, as I have heard it defined so poetically by an author whom, unfortunately, I cannot recall, is the fragrance that the flower sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

So, how do we use forgiveness to advance the workplace relationships that inevitably impact tangible stuff like performance, satisfaction and results? Consider the following questions in response to my above, rhetorical question:

Do anger, grudges and resentment infiltrate your immediate work space?
Is there a person you work with who you need to forgive?
Are phrases such as, "I'm sorry," "I was wrong," "I forgive you," and "please forgive me" spoken in your work area on a regular basis or ever?
Are YOU hesitant to offer these above phrases to coworkers out of fear, embarrassment or lack of comfort in saying them because of how you think you'll be perceived by others?
How could a short, positive and constructive-based conversation between you and another employee, with whom you've had "words" with, create a more workable and less-stressed relationship?
Have you thought lately about your own flaws, mistakes, misjudgments and personal history and how forgiveness - towards yourself - might elevate your personal worth, self-esteem and peace of mind?

The older and - dare I say - wiser I become, the more reflective I am of the individuals in my life that I still need to forgive, including myself. I know that as long as I hold on to any smatterings of hurt that they or I imposed on me, I will continue to be hostage to that woe.

Just because we're at work does not mean we are cut-off from using the act of forgiveness as a healing device to improve relationships.

Forgiveness equals freedom, but it comes at a price. The price is that you'll have to let go of whatever it was that was keeping you from forgiving. But once un-tethered from the anger, grudges, resentments and pettiness you've been holding on to, the possibilities of leading, serving, helping and making more money (if that's your desire) are abundant.

Next time I'll talk about "blame," the predecessor to forgiveness.

Good day!

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.

Self Esteem and the Lives We Are Meant to Live

2009-08-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

There is no way possible I’d be writing an essay such as this had I not been someone who, earlier in his life, lived much of his days trying to please and appease others. I had made it my business to ensure others were comfortable and happy with me, as much as was in my control – and even then some. I was overly flexible, ridiculously available and unexpressive in my own needs, wants and life’s desires. I did, for most part, what others wanted me to do and lived according to their agendas for them and for me. Though my life was not really mine, I did benefit from this type of placating, inauthentic behavior. I was accepted, popular and could fit in to almost any group or situation. In essence, my self-esteem was…well, not self-esteem.

Okay, fast forward to 2009. Today, I truly enjoy your positive responses to my writings, seminars, presentations, counseling and teaching. And I also appreciate your criticisms, contrarian views and constructive “to do-s” of the aforementioned as well. I delight in the conversations we have about the “stuff of life,” both in and outside the workplace – for it energizes, serves and sustains me. I don’t know what I’d do if I could no longer speak, write and counsel others…landscaping is the only thing that comes to mind.

Now I don’t know if my story resonates with you and your past (or even present) or not. But I do believe that all of us are on a path. My own belief is that this path can only be traversed by us and only us. The authentically lived life can be difficult and even lonely at times. It means we will disappoint people. It means others may not always like us, or even love us. It means we may have to leave groups, situations, jobs and even relationships. But it also comes with great rewards: freedom to be who we are; a life that is congruent with our innermost desires; and peacefulness that who and what we do is not fraudulent, phony or lock-step with other people’s agendas for us.

Abraham Maslow coined the term “self-actualization” to describe the individual who is free from the good opinions of others. This individual, he said, lives her and his life according to their own inner compass. They are not concerned with what others think or say about them. Their self-esteem comes from how they think and feel about themselves...not how others think and feel about them. No easy order, for sure. It takes a lifetime, I think, to figure out the compromises, transitions and courage necessary to live, love, work and learn in a manner consistent with our true nature; at least it will for me. All the while keeping in mind that our best intentions for ourselves are never (always) what others need and want from us.

In the movie “Out of Africa” Robert Redford says to Meryl Streep, “I don’t want to find myself someday at the end of someone else’s life.” I find that phrase gives me a chill as I contemplate my own life. The workplace, the home, the classroom, the boardroom and all the places we live, provide us with opportunities to express who we are. And they also provide us with opportunities to express who we are not. I am responsible for what I say, write and do; and you for you. As our paths converge, diverge and run parallel in all the roles we play, I am of absolute certainty that if we both are genuine and real with each other in whom and what we are, we will discover a place of healthiness and respectability that transcends any conflict, disagreement or imposed will that might otherwise exist.

Our true selves – on the job, on the ball field, during the exam and at the dinner table – shine most prominently when we are simply being ourselves…the person only we can be. God Bless.

Jerry Nehr
www.creativediscoveries.net

Our Fears

2009-07-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

As a little boy, I was afraid of not doing well in school, disappointing my parents and the bully who lived around the corner from me. As a teenager, I was afraid of rejection from girls, not playing well in basketball games and, again, not doing well in school. As a young man I adopted a fear of heights which stayed with me up until just a couple of years ago when, finally, I decided I didn't need that one anymore. Today, I'm afraid of my son getting hurt and a few other things I'll leave out due to privacy and remembering not to make this too much about me. :-)

Being afraid is not an easy thing for some of us to admit. Many of us have been programmed to believe that being afraid is a weakness. Thus, our feelings of anxiety, doubt, hesitation and outright fear often do not see the light of day in our conversations, both in and outside the workplace. Oh, we might discuss our deepest fears with those closest to us, but some of us don't even do that. Or we might share a generally agreed upon, quite common fear such as spiders or public speaking with a friend or acquaintance in the workplace or at a party. But fear, from my vantage point, does not enjoy the same attention and public discourse that are received by other emotions such as love, anger, happiness and feelings of success. Why is this? What keeps us from addressing our fears and what do we get out of holding on to them? Is there a connection between our fears and our quality of life? Where is fear "inter-fear-ing" in our lives and what is the resultant impact?

I am of the belief that fear contributes a great deal to our personal flaws, anxieties, arguments, wars, crimes, addictions and societal disconnect as manifested in the homes, neighborhoods, schools, work settings and planet as a whole. If we think about the public debates that go on, there appears to be something that keeps the opposing sides disliking, disrespecting and disconnecting with each other. This fear (I'll call it) seems to be the presiding impetus between many varying positions:

Liberals fear the NRA - Conservatives fear the ACLU.
Management fears that unions have become too powerful - Unions fear that management will not give them a fair stake in the company.
Whites fear that blacks will move into "their" neighborhoods - Blacks fear that whites will keep them out of the board room.
Environmentalists fear Big Oil - Big Oil fears Al Gore and Thomas Friedman.
"The Church" fears gay marriage and abortion - Gays and Pro-Choice folks fear Rush.
Ad Infinitum...

Now before you jam up the comments section of this blog and my email, please know that I know that these above statements are not true for all people all the time. Indeed, these stereotypes are, by definition, false. My attempt to draw a point about some of our collective fears, I hope, is not lost in these over-generalized examples.

Perhaps my conveyance of this topic might be made more tangible and applicable to you with these final set of questions:

Do you fear that your boss does not have your best, professional interest in mind?
Are you afraid of looking weak, unintelligent, incompetent and unqualified?
Do you fear the prospect of not having enough money to pay your bills?
Do you hesitate to let your children play with others outside his/her race?
Do you hesitate to share information with others in the workplace for fear that you'll lose your power and "in the know" status?
Are you afraid to die?
Are you afraid of speaking to a group of people where you are the center of attention?
Do you shy away from others socially and professionally who - you believe - are not in the same income range as yourself?
Are you afraid of never losing the weight you'd like to lose?
Do you resist listening to someone whose opinion you disagree with?
Are you afraid of not accomplishing all you wish to accomplish in this life?
Are you quick to judge the younger generation as being too high tech, disloyal to tradition and fast-paced?
Do you believe that the elderly still have much to teach you?
Are you afraid to let go of your judgments, biases, prejudices and comfort zones?
Will you try something new today that is uncertain, risky and uncomfortable, but which might enhance your growth and happiness?
Do you have the courage and wherewithal to challenge your long-held belief systems in order to expand your circle of friends, experiences and awareness?
Do you see others as being more like you or less like you?
Are you tired of the separation between blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians, Arabs, Native Americans, gays, straights, Democrats, Republicans, men, women, the rich, the poor, Muslims, Jews, Christians, Atheists, neighborhoods, unions, management, departments and coworkers?

In his March 4, 1933 Inaugural Address to the Nation, Franklin Delano Roosevelt uttered these famous words, "...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

As I shed my fear of heights awhile back, I opened up a whole new freedom for myself. I realized that what I was missing - the experience of being high up and seeing things from a different perspective - was more important than being afraid. It's not rocket science to overcome your fears. It takes a willingness to change. It takes an ability to see beyond who you think you are TO who you'd still like to be.

I wish you blessed success in overcoming any judgments, doubts and fears in your life...

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.

http://www.creativediscoveries.net/

The Power of Giving

2009-07-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

I know all of you either well, barely or somewhere in the space between. For my clients, I give you a presentation, a training or coaching time and you give me money or the opportunity to speak to lots of people…who might, down the line, hire me and give me money as well. For my friends, I give you my friendship and you give me yours. We might even exchange gifts during the holidays and our birthdays, those 3 of us. :-) For those of you I barely know, perhaps I only give you today’s essay. And maybe at some future date you might give me an email letting me know you enjoyed reading it…or not.

What I am thinking about, though, at this time, and what I wish to convey, is this behavior of giving that we all take part in. Though it’s trendy to quote him, Abraham Lincoln was noted for saying, “when I do good, I feel good.” I think that holds true for me. Not too difficult to think about: simple, rational, linear and with a cool payoff. Great! Just gotta’ take the initiative. Here’s some initiatives I’ve seen from others recently…

• The other day (late June), I woman in a HUGE Hummer (well they’re all huge, aren’t they) stopped at the corner of 7 mile and I-94, here in Detroit, rolled down her window, and gave a sandwich to a man standing on the corner with a sign that read: “Hungry, please help.” I sped up to her once we entered the freeway, looked over, waved and smiled. She knew what I was doing and she smiled back. I guess I just wanted to “tell” her that her actions were appreciated, even from a bystander’s perspective.

• The man who stands out in front of the Guardian Building on Griswold Street in downtown Detroit with the red suit and top hat and greets people as they enter this building. I’ve seen him there for years now. Never once have I asked him his name. Nor have I engaged him in anything relevant beyond the weather. Mostly it’s a simple “hello” when I walk in and “take care” when walk out. But this man is unforgettable. He’s a tall, handsome, black man with a smile that lights up your day. He’s always joyous (at least in his appearance) and exudes a warmth and assuredness of himself that inspires me up whenever I see him…I’m waiting for him to adopt me. He’s that cool.

• A former training participant of mine who made me a tie and my wife a scarf (beautiful stuff Kim!) because she so enjoyed the session I facilitated and wanted to give me something in return.

I’ve heard it said that the only thing we get to do with our lives is give them away. There is such a transient nature to much of our living, is there not? Careers, families, health, possessions, love, friendships, all of these things have the potential to come and go, and most of them do. But the one thing that is always at our disposal is our ability to give, right up ‘til the end. I know what it feels like to truly help someone who needs help. It is a remarkable feeling. And I know that you know that feeling as well, because you do it too – in your own special way.

So I’ll leave you with this: I firmly believe that when we give of ourselves, we create the possibility of living a life of abundance and prosperity. If you’re looking for success, help others be successful. The key is just not to expect, anticipate or need it in return…a sometimes tricky reconciliation.

Please share your stories – if you might – of how you’ve been impacted by other’s giving nature. For there’s awesome power in stories.

By,

Jerry Nehr

Gratitude

2009-07-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

QUESTION: What is the morale like, overall, in your work area?

ANOTHER QUESTION: What is your consistent attitude toward,
• the work you do?
• the individuals with whom you work?
• the consumers, clients and fellow employees of whom you serve?

LAST QUESTION (for now): Do you believe that these aforementioned concepts (“morale” and “attitude”) impact such things as: worker productivity, program effectiveness, employee retention, worker safety, operating expenses, employee turnover, worker absenteeism and tardiness, consumer satisfaction, patient care, supplier relationships, community partner longevity, employee performance, constituent support and the overall PUBLIC TRUST???

For now, suffice to say that, how we think and behave in the workplace impacts everything that the workplace is in place for.

I was told by a friend a couple of summers ago on a clear sunny day when my mood was less than chipper, that “you cannot be unhappy and grateful at the same time…try it Jerry,” he said. I did. Like opposing magnetic fields, gratitude and unhappiness repel each other; as do happiness and ungratefulness…at least they do for me.

When we emerge as leaders (formal and informal), our impact on others expands, whether we like it, and ask for it, or not. This exponential impact can be cherished or abused – with all the muckiness in between.

Whatever title you hold in the workplace, you are leading and impacting people. Whether you work in the executive suite, the cafeteria, marketing, the production line, HR, public works or legal, the breadth and depth of your influence is great. And I’m not just talking about influence while at work. The people you are “leading” discuss YOU at their dinner tables and on their vacations and at the gym and, well, you know where else, because you do the same thing, and so do I. And I don’t have to tell you - but I will - that not all of what they are discussing positions you in a positive light.

But whether or not you agree with my assertion about your impact to this extent, my question to all of us is this:

Are we willing to take a close look at our own attitude and morale in the workplace? Not other’s attitude and morale, but ours…the only one we can control.

If so, then leading others through a mindset of “servitude” is possible. But the key is this oft-forgotten virtue – gratitude. The willingness to give of our talents and energy for the betterment of others is highest when we are grateful, simply, for that opportunity. However, as “power” works its magic on our egos and our self-importance, we can easily lose that inspiration to serve and instead demand to be served. That ever happen to you or those around you? It obviously happens to some more so than others. But we all fall fray to our “larger than life ideas” of who we think we are. Yet it takes a keen desire to be of use to others in order to get out of that trap. When gratitude is given the helm, only then can we right ourselves back to service. No easy task, for sure. Everyday, good leaders (and bad ones) are continually thrown off course due to a lack of gratitude in serving and helping other people. The examples are numerous, both nationally and locally.

And the interesting thing is that without gratitude, other virtues struggle to surface. Think about it. Try to be empathic without being grateful. Try to think in abundance while being ungrateful. Try holding on to a grudge and not forgive someone and at the same time be honest and genuine in your gratitude of having them in your life. It ain’t easy.

In moving forward as leaders, our gratitude plays a most important role. Those of you who feel fortunate to assist others in the community (and in the workplace) and see your “work” as a vehicle in which to utilize your talents and energy to give and serve, then your leadership is invaluable to this region. It’s invaluable to this state. And it’s invaluable to me if I report to you! And the inverse of all that applies as well…

When we measure and report out on the bottom-line indicators mentioned earlier (retention, absenteeism, satisfaction, etc.), careful consideration should also be given as to how those numbers are shaped. Annual reports, financial statements, annual reviews (if given), figures, data, percentages, stats, and analyses that tell a story of the “state of the area” are all impacted (to a large extent) by the individuals performing the tasks at hand. These reports come from somewhere. And that somewhere is in the energy of the people performing the duties that make up these nicely-packaged summaries.

We must not overlook “gratitude” just because it’s not a business term; or because it’s not talked about at weekly meetings; or because it’s not as easily measured as productivity. Gratitude drives the “spirit” of our work. The trick is, first, how to make “available” the immeasurable (spirit, inspiration, spiritual-ness, gratitude) components of the job; and then how to connect them to tangible, and performance-driven variables. This duality is our challenge when living the life of a Servant Leader.

By:
Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.

Compassion

2009-07-02T11:28:00.001-07:00

Who are your greatest teachers in life? Think about this question for just a moment. I, personally, have been blessed beyond words by some extraordinary individuals who have crossed my life and who have impacted me tremendously. I call them my teachers. I am, in large part, the person I am because of these folks. And I will tell you this, not all of them have been the most compassionate people on this planet at particular moments. Nor the most educated or particularly concerned about my best welfare. Some of course, without question, have. Some have loved me, and continue to love me, despite my shortcomings. Many are gifted writers, speakers, educators and leaders. Most are family members and friends. They are, however, not the ones I want to tell you about.

Instead, I want to tell you about some other people: the antagonists, the petty tyrants, the ones who “get” to me – until I “get” it. The ones for whom I’ve had the least amount of compassion. Some of these individuals have graced my life for just a second or two, some have played longer roles. All have pushed my buttons. And from my perspective, until I change, they will continue to show up in my life.

One is a former boss whose autocratic and critical style of leadership was influential in urging me to take the risk and go out on my own to work for myself and, subsequently, do the work I love to do this day. A “nice” boss, perhaps, might have kept me in that job (of which I found quite dissatisfying) a little longer than I needed or wanted to be.

Another “teacher” of mine is “that participant” in my training session who knows more than I do about a particular area of diversity or leadership and is not shy about letting me and others know this – most of the time in a very respectful and professional manner – but not always! :-)

Yet more are those who do not embrace diversity in the workplace and who believe that Servant Leadership is simply not a viable option in getting others to do what you want them to do. My work, in fact a good part of my life, I have devoted to these two aforementioned ideals. How dare they dispute their relevance!!! These people are, in fact again, my teachers. They, more so even than those of you who agree with me on the diversity and Servant Leadership fronts, teach me that there is diversity in opinion and that there is tolerance and compassion to be administered if I truly want to be a Servant Leader and not just facilitate Servant Leadership seminars.

And finally, there are those individuals in my life who have looked at me with disapproval, waived at me with one particular finger on I-94, not let me in while attempting to merge, rolled their eyes at me when I stated something I believed to be important, wrote down discouraging remarks on training evaluation forms, and put me on hold for 5 minutes.

All of these individuals continue to reach me and teach me in ways that I (in all my shortsightedness) do not always find helpful. Yet the one thing they have in common is their seemingly lack of compassion for me at the moment, which, in turn, reminds me of how in-compassionate I have been and can be towards others. Their lesson plan for the day seems to be to “get” me to think about what else might be going on with them. Do I really know – do I indeed have proof - that something truly critical is not happening in their lives that temporarily prevents them from giving me their best at the moment – or perhaps even that month? Am I prophetic enough to know of their personal demons, current life situation and day to day challenges that stretch them to the limit? No. I, for one, am not.

And, am I wise enough to acknowledge that this Earth will still spin and the majority of people in it will function quite well, save for a select few, if I depart tonight?

What I can do (if I’m enough aware), when these “teachers,” disguised as bandits of my happiness, offer up their lessons, is offer back compassion; compassion for them as another person who goes through all the things I go through only with different people, in a slightly different type of setting, with different experiences and in a different physical appearance.

If I can do this, then maybe I get to be the teacher at that moment...

By,

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.
Creative Discoveries Training and Consulting

Where's God?

2009-05-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

Where’s God?

Here are some of God’s favorite places to reveal, infuriate and encompass me...

My conversations with those I enjoy.
The anger I feel when the innocent are harmed.
The warmth and loving nature of my atheist friends and acquaintances.
The warm fire I sit beside with a book.
My behind-the-back dribble, with quick, pull-up jumper on the basketball court.
The warmth I feel sitting on a beach in Maui at mid-day.
The soberness I feel sitting in a bar, alone, in any inner-city at 2am.
The song, “I Hope You Dance.”
The song, “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”
My mother’s smile; and her tears.
My father’s “Hello Son!”
Social theories dialogue at Wayne State University.
The wood of the tree fort Dad, I and Quinn built in 2006-2007.
The first time I saw my son smile (could’ve been gas)
The minutes before my father died.
Watching my son help other kids.
My wife’s excitement about traveling to Hawaii.
The smell of her hair.

Whatever I do and am…

Today's Our Last Day

2009-03-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

I was first introduced to the phrase "Carpe Diem" in a high school literature class. My teacher, Conrad Vachon, encouraged all of his students to take heed to this Latin term meaning "seize the day" in all we did and in all we were. Twenty-five years later, I am still moved by the power of those words, though their meaning is even more significant to me now. I am 43. I am married. I have a 7 year-old son. My father died in the fall of 2007 from lung cancer. My body does not respond in the same way it once did after a 2-hour evening of basketball. And I am acutely aware that there is no guarantee of a tomorrow...TIME and LIFE EXPERIENCES being the culprits of this sober thinking.

For as I really see it, today "could" be my last day on Earth...sure hope not because I've still got hair gel left. Oh, and a family who needs me. And a business to run. And classes to teach. And kids to counsel. And my son's basketball team to coach. And a mom who still has things to teach me. And friends who don't need the reminder that their time could be up anytime as well. And a wife who wouldn't have a coffee partner anymore. And...you get the idea.

Now in spite of this, I once read that the definition of happiness (sorry, cannot remember who or where) is having:

Something to do
Someone to love
and Something to look forward to

And I readily admit that the anticipation of going on vacation, meeting a friend for dinner, knowing I can sleep in, and coming home to my family after a long day at work are reminders that, indeed, the "future" holds power, excitement and intrigue.

But I'll wrap up with this:

Are you living how you want to? Do you enjoy who you are? Are you willing to stop being afraid? Who do you need to talk to? Can you make a plan, get excited about it, and still be okay if it doesn't work out? Is today the last day for the rest of your life? And if so, are you at peace with that?

Remember, we're not in control of much. But our corner of freedom is how we think about stuff.

Hope to hear from you...today! :-)

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.
www.creativediscoveries.net