Forgiveness...

It is not only a word used these days from the throes of the church pulpit or the marriage counseling office. The Amish community exemplified it a couple years back as they asked us all to forgive the man who murdered their young girls in a schoolroom in their community; even attempting to comfort the family of the murderer in the days that followed the massacre. Physicians are slower these days to dispel the physical, mental and emotional healing power of forgiveness on both the forgiver and the forgiven. Some political figures even promote this idea of forgiveness in their platform of ideologies and promises, as it's a sure attractor of folks from all walks of life. Suffice it to say "forgiveness" enjoys broad appeal in its capability to enhance human relationships and individual growth.

But how can we use it as a viable and effective workplace leadership tool? After all, isn't it quite easy (or at least habitual) to hold on to grudges and resentments? Cannot this holding on even move us, temporarily (and perhaps longer), to a level that reminds those that have wronged us that, well, they wronged us! Does not the act of forgiveness "reinstate" the relationship and potentially send the message to the wrong-doer that they are "off the hook" for their transgressions? Yah, forgiveness can do all of those things too I suppose.

But many of us have been holding on to pain and hurt for so long that it seems quite natural to NOT forgive and to just move on with our daily tasks. Forgiveness can be hard. Forgiveness requires letting go. Forgiveness reminds the ego that it is not in charge. Forgiveness, however, does not nullify past events. It simply changes the way in which we think about the person(s) who harmed us. Indeed, forgiveness frees us from the anger, resentment and hurt that we harbor against others. Finally, forgiveness, as I have heard it defined so poetically by an author whom, unfortunately, I cannot recall, is the fragrance that the flower sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

So, how do we use forgiveness to advance the workplace relationships that inevitably impact tangible stuff like performance, satisfaction and results? Consider the following questions in response to my above, rhetorical question:

• Do anger, grudges and resentment infiltrate your immediate work space?
• Is there a person you work with who you need to forgive?
• Are phrases such as, "I'm sorry," "I was wrong," "I forgive you," and "please forgive me" spoken in your work area on a regular basis or ever?
• Are YOU hesitant to offer these above phrases to coworkers out of fear, embarrassment or lack of comfort in saying them because of how you think you'll be perceived by others?
• How could a short, positive and constructive-based conversation between you and another employee, with whom you've had "words" with, create a more workable and less-stressed relationship?
• Have you thought lately about your own flaws, mistakes, misjudgments and personal history and how forgiveness - towards yourself - might elevate your personal worth, self-esteem and peace of mind?

The older and - dare I say - wiser I become, the more reflective I am of the individuals in my life that I still need to forgive, including myself. I know that as long as I hold on to any smatterings of hurt that they or I imposed on me, I will continue to be hostage to that woe.

Just because we're at work does not mean we are cut-off from using the act of forgiveness as a healing device to improve relationships.

Forgiveness equals freedom, but it comes at a price. The price is that you'll have to let go of whatever it was that was keeping you from forgiving. But once un-tethered from the anger, grudges, resentments and pettiness you've been holding on to, the possibilities of leading, serving, helping and making more money (if that's your desire) are abundant.

Next time I'll talk about "blame," the predecessor to forgiveness.

Good day!

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.