Our Fears

As a little boy, I was afraid of not doing well in school, disappointing my parents and the bully who lived around the corner from me. As a teenager, I was afraid of rejection from girls, not playing well in basketball games and, again, not doing well in school. As a young man I adopted a fear of heights which stayed with me up until just a couple of years ago when, finally, I decided I didn't need that one anymore. Today, I'm afraid of my son getting hurt and a few other things I'll leave out due to privacy and remembering not to make this too much about me. :-)

Being afraid is not an easy thing for some of us to admit. Many of us have been programmed to believe that being afraid is a weakness. Thus, our feelings of anxiety, doubt, hesitation and outright fear often do not see the light of day in our conversations, both in and outside the workplace. Oh, we might discuss our deepest fears with those closest to us, but some of us don't even do that. Or we might share a generally agreed upon, quite common fear such as spiders or public speaking with a friend or acquaintance in the workplace or at a party. But fear, from my vantage point, does not enjoy the same attention and public discourse that are received by other emotions such as love, anger, happiness and feelings of success. Why is this? What keeps us from addressing our fears and what do we get out of holding on to them? Is there a connection between our fears and our quality of life? Where is fear "inter-fear-ing" in our lives and what is the resultant impact?

I am of the belief that fear contributes a great deal to our personal flaws, anxieties, arguments, wars, crimes, addictions and societal disconnect as manifested in the homes, neighborhoods, schools, work settings and planet as a whole. If we think about the public debates that go on, there appears to be something that keeps the opposing sides disliking, disrespecting and disconnecting with each other. This fear (I'll call it) seems to be the presiding impetus between many varying positions:

• Liberals fear the NRA - Conservatives fear the ACLU.
• Management fears that unions have become too powerful - Unions fear that management will not give them a fair stake in the company.
• Whites fear that blacks will move into "their" neighborhoods - Blacks fear that whites will keep them out of the board room.
• Environmentalists fear Big Oil - Big Oil fears Al Gore and Thomas Friedman.
• "The Church" fears gay marriage and abortion - Gays and Pro-Choice folks fear Rush.
• Ad Infinitum...

Now before you jam up the comments section of this blog and my email, please know that I know that these above statements are not true for all people all the time. Indeed, these stereotypes are, by definition, false. My attempt to draw a point about some of our collective fears, I hope, is not lost in these over-generalized examples.

Perhaps my conveyance of this topic might be made more tangible and applicable to you with these final set of questions:

• Do you fear that your boss does not have your best, professional interest in mind?
• Are you afraid of looking weak, unintelligent, incompetent and unqualified?
• Do you fear the prospect of not having enough money to pay your bills?
• Do you hesitate to let your children play with others outside his/her race?
• Do you hesitate to share information with others in the workplace for fear that you'll lose your power and "in the know" status?
• Are you afraid to die?
• Are you afraid of speaking to a group of people where you are the center of attention?
• Do you shy away from others socially and professionally who - you believe - are not in the same income range as yourself?
• Are you afraid of never losing the weight you'd like to lose?
• Do you resist listening to someone whose opinion you disagree with?
• Are you afraid of not accomplishing all you wish to accomplish in this life?
• Are you quick to judge the younger generation as being too high tech, disloyal to tradition and fast-paced?
• Do you believe that the elderly still have much to teach you?
• Are you afraid to let go of your judgments, biases, prejudices and comfort zones?
• Will you try something new today that is uncertain, risky and uncomfortable, but which might enhance your growth and happiness?
• Do you have the courage and wherewithal to challenge your long-held belief systems in order to expand your circle of friends, experiences and awareness?
• Do you see others as being more like you or less like you?
• Are you tired of the separation between blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians, Arabs, Native Americans, gays, straights, Democrats, Republicans, men, women, the rich, the poor, Muslims, Jews, Christians, Atheists, neighborhoods, unions, management, departments and coworkers?

In his March 4, 1933 Inaugural Address to the Nation, Franklin Delano Roosevelt uttered these famous words, "...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

As I shed my fear of heights awhile back, I opened up a whole new freedom for myself. I realized that what I was missing - the experience of being high up and seeing things from a different perspective - was more important than being afraid. It's not rocket science to overcome your fears. It takes a willingness to change. It takes an ability to see beyond who you think you are TO who you'd still like to be.

I wish you blessed success in overcoming any judgments, doubts and fears in your life...

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.

http://www.creativediscoveries.net/