Compassion

Who are your greatest teachers in life? Think about this question for just a moment. I, personally, have been blessed beyond words by some extraordinary individuals who have crossed my life and who have impacted me tremendously. I call them my teachers. I am, in large part, the person I am because of these folks. And I will tell you this, not all of them have been the most compassionate people on this planet at particular moments. Nor the most educated or particularly concerned about my best welfare. Some of course, without question, have. Some have loved me, and continue to love me, despite my shortcomings. Many are gifted writers, speakers, educators and leaders. Most are family members and friends. They are, however, not the ones I want to tell you about.

Instead, I want to tell you about some other people: the antagonists, the petty tyrants, the ones who “get” to me – until I “get” it. The ones for whom I’ve had the least amount of compassion. Some of these individuals have graced my life for just a second or two, some have played longer roles. All have pushed my buttons. And from my perspective, until I change, they will continue to show up in my life.

• One is a former boss whose autocratic and critical style of leadership was influential in urging me to take the risk and go out on my own to work for myself and, subsequently, do the work I love to do this day. A “nice” boss, perhaps, might have kept me in that job (of which I found quite dissatisfying) a little longer than I needed or wanted to be.

• Another “teacher” of mine is “that participant” in my training session who knows more than I do about a particular area of diversity or leadership and is not shy about letting me and others know this – most of the time in a very respectful and professional manner – but not always! :-)

• Yet more are those who do not embrace diversity in the workplace and who believe that Servant Leadership is simply not a viable option in getting others to do what you want them to do. My work, in fact a good part of my life, I have devoted to these two aforementioned ideals. How dare they dispute their relevance!!! These people are, in fact again, my teachers. They, more so even than those of you who agree with me on the diversity and Servant Leadership fronts, teach me that there is diversity in opinion and that there is tolerance and compassion to be administered if I truly want to be a Servant Leader and not just facilitate Servant Leadership seminars.

• And finally, there are those individuals in my life who have looked at me with disapproval, waived at me with one particular finger on I-94, not let me in while attempting to merge, rolled their eyes at me when I stated something I believed to be important, wrote down discouraging remarks on training evaluation forms, and put me on hold for 5 minutes.

All of these individuals continue to reach me and teach me in ways that I (in all my shortsightedness) do not always find helpful. Yet the one thing they have in common is their seemingly lack of compassion for me at the moment, which, in turn, reminds me of how in-compassionate I have been and can be towards others. Their lesson plan for the day seems to be to “get” me to think about what else might be going on with them. Do I really know – do I indeed have proof - that something truly critical is not happening in their lives that temporarily prevents them from giving me their best at the moment – or perhaps even that month? Am I prophetic enough to know of their personal demons, current life situation and day to day challenges that stretch them to the limit? No. I, for one, am not.

And, am I wise enough to acknowledge that this Earth will still spin and the majority of people in it will function quite well, save for a select few, if I depart tonight?

What I can do (if I’m enough aware), when these “teachers,” disguised as bandits of my happiness, offer up their lessons, is offer back compassion; compassion for them as another person who goes through all the things I go through only with different people, in a slightly different type of setting, with different experiences and in a different physical appearance.

If I can do this, then maybe I get to be the teacher at that moment...

By,

Jerry M. Nehr, Jr.
Creative Discoveries Training and Consulting